Silence, please . . .

I dont know what to say. I dont know what to do. I feel so low. today first time i'm feeling that why was i born? I am so dead. Im so lost. Searching and begging for souls and for help in searching souls. I have money, can i buy one please? Oh please atleast under the pretext of charity. I hate it to say, if not tomorrow then today. Yesterday. Again and again. I have lost it. I have gathered nothing but free souls. The ones who have earned nothing out of themselves and nothing out of me. I don't foresee anyone who will stand by me and not only laugh but even cry. I feel so helpless. I feel so miserable. The worst part is its me who has gotten myself in such a pitiful state. Call it a state of mind or pessimism. but thats exactly what i feel and thats exactly what i will say. I will not pretend like others do. i will not bitch like others do. I will complain. i will hate. i will confront. i will detest. i will resent. i will react. i will do what i want to do. What i feel like doing. I will do exactly that. You have a problem with it, then you can just make my life more easier by your absence. Bye.
And if you think you sympathize my situation then might as well you can look at yourself in the mirror and see the same helplessness. You are here because you want to be. Thats the same fundamental i'm applying here. I'm saying this because that is what i feel and that is what i want to say. I don't want any sympathies or reactions. I just want you to relate. If you have felt so before, then you better be here than anywhere else. Its not a compulsion again, but its what i feel. I have nobody around me who has a soul for which i will envy him or her, or i will give my arm and leg for. Thats so sick. And they call themselves human's ! Yeah right. I'm even worst. I call them Friends ! LOL ! Give me a break. Its ridiculous.
But then i just look back and give it a thought. I have done these things too. To others. So even i'm one of them. just a body and no soul. Just a name but not a friend. But i have said it earlier. I have no soul. Im searching for one. But still i will say that im not one of them. I may not have a soul, but im not one of them. I'm far better than them. And if you can't take it, that says it all. You can't take it because even you are one of them. And if you can take it, then you are one amongst US. Not like me, but amongst Us. I'm not saying i'm the only one. The chosen one or the ruler. But there are few like me who are so stubborn.