Ulterior Thoughts

These are the last words of my prayer
I see my faith in him vanishing into the air,

I lost the ones that I found
It seems it will happen because he told me so,

I know he can�t be fair
Every other day, the grave of my faith gains a new layer,

I wake up when am not sleeping
I fall when I am not standing,

The sunrise turns me off
Cause the night stops to laugh,

At the optimism of the cynical mind
I wonder if the devil in me can be so kind.

EXODUS

Come to me, my dear child

My hands don’t shiver for nothing but the deathly ride,

God fears him not once but all the time

He fears me because I’m the only bride,

Before cracking open the mind I felt so strong

Love and care are not mere words but tools that charm,

The pistol is naked and so is your girl

Blood trickles down the hair from every little curl,

Beastly shadows cross your mind

You are left with thoughts like mortal and divine,

The glass edges clearly reflect no light

A self-portrait or God-made customs to abide,

Speaking of art reminds her of Gothic melodies

The ones that talk about black humour and Life as parody,

Crossing the continents come the creators

Creating the clutches they control the Crusaders,

Now why do you come to me my fearful child?

Don’t look above because the Angels are blind.

Assemble, Dissemble, Resemble

Waste no tear for me or for thy lord

I know something that you do not,

The bluebird in the sky is where I wish to be

Not singing but learning how to be free,

The southern winds don’t knock the door before they enter

I ignite my life and wait for you to swelter,

Somebody holds her hand and shows her the way

You are not the one who did that but still you are the prey,

Disowned by the fate and possessed by choice

Will you scream out loud or will the silence suffice,

Resting on the arc of my heart’s shadow

I feel so different smelling the last clove,

Failing and falling, I have mastered the art

Not to stumble over but to stand apart,

Eye scans the ‘I’ in me, hand hunts the touch in thee

Freeze before the demon wakes, kill the snowman and eat the flakes.

Dahling . . .

With the dull mirage greeting me
I care for none but my dreaming tree

I search for you in a fragile world
But why should I again care,

No I am not mean but I do dare
To tell the truth and to swear

Go to sleep just to keep
Some points so blank
These thoughts too deep,

Try and hide so tell those lies
Act like spies trying to analyze,

Closed the gates for all my mates
Found me to stake so those smiles to fake?

You left me bleedin, dahling . . . please take me in
Mom says don’t play with your food
It’s a sin, it’s a sin,

Now why the wait just open the crate,
Don’t lay the bait please gobble me straight,

Those beans I did not spill so I cannot fulfill
In me is no power, no will as I lay on the platter for you to kill.

Silence, please . . .

I dont know what to say. I dont know what to do. I feel so low. today first time i'm feeling that why was i born? I am so dead. Im so lost. Searching and begging for souls and for help in searching souls. I have money, can i buy one please? Oh please atleast under the pretext of charity. I hate it to say, if not tomorrow then today. Yesterday. Again and again. I have lost it. I have gathered nothing but free souls. The ones who have earned nothing out of themselves and nothing out of me. I don't foresee anyone who will stand by me and not only laugh but even cry. I feel so helpless. I feel so miserable. The worst part is its me who has gotten myself in such a pitiful state. Call it a state of mind or pessimism. but thats exactly what i feel and thats exactly what i will say. I will not pretend like others do. i will not bitch like others do. I will complain. i will hate. i will confront. i will detest. i will resent. i will react. i will do what i want to do. What i feel like doing. I will do exactly that. You have a problem with it, then you can just make my life more easier by your absence. Bye.
And if you think you sympathize my situation then might as well you can look at yourself in the mirror and see the same helplessness. You are here because you want to be. Thats the same fundamental i'm applying here. I'm saying this because that is what i feel and that is what i want to say. I don't want any sympathies or reactions. I just want you to relate. If you have felt so before, then you better be here than anywhere else. Its not a compulsion again, but its what i feel. I have nobody around me who has a soul for which i will envy him or her, or i will give my arm and leg for. Thats so sick. And they call themselves human's ! Yeah right. I'm even worst. I call them Friends ! LOL ! Give me a break. Its ridiculous.
But then i just look back and give it a thought. I have done these things too. To others. So even i'm one of them. just a body and no soul. Just a name but not a friend. But i have said it earlier. I have no soul. Im searching for one. But still i will say that im not one of them. I may not have a soul, but im not one of them. I'm far better than them. And if you can't take it, that says it all. You can't take it because even you are one of them. And if you can take it, then you are one amongst US. Not like me, but amongst Us. I'm not saying i'm the only one. The chosen one or the ruler. But there are few like me who are so stubborn.